


The first daughter

by NaoYoshikawa



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bad Parent Frank Gallagher, Dead Frank Gallagher, Family Drama, Family Fluff, Family Issues, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fiona Gallagher-Centric, POV Fiona Gallagher, Protective Fiona Gallagher, Protective Gallaghers (Shameless US)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:28:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28895130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaoYoshikawa/pseuds/NaoYoshikawa
Summary: A little Fiona full of hope and then an adult Fiona with pain in her heart.Fiona stiffened at first, but then relaxed. If she had been obedient, a good little girl, then her father would have done everything she wanted, showering her with hugs and pink bows, words of affection and sweetness.She turned her back on him, but felt the need to ask him a question that mattered to her:"Daddy, do you love me?" she asked in a hopeful tone.
Relationships: Fiona Gallagher & Frank Gallagher
Kudos: 11





	The first daughter

When she was a child, Fiona asked herself many questions.  
First and foremost, the one she asked herself most often was: why am I different?  
She didn't realise until she saw with her own eyes that there were other kinds of normality: happy lives of little girls who went to school well dressed, with pink bows on their heads and happy eyes. Parents coming to pick them up, hugging them and then getting into the car to return, no doubt, to an equally happy home.  
It was by comparing herself to others that Fiona realised she was different and that her normality wasn't all that great. That it would have been nice, at least once, to be one of those little girls with loving parents, with just the thought of playing, laughing and being happy.  
There was another thing Fiona had noticed, she had always been a keen observer: the way parents looked at their children, the way fathers were proud of their daughters, treating them like princesses.  
For her, such a reality had never existed. Frank had been the first man to let her down, the first to abandon her, too caught up in his alcoholism, drugs and fucking narcissism.  
Fiona was just a child trying to hold on to what little innocence she had left. In fact, she hadn't had time to enjoy her naivety; she'd had to grow up fast to look after the younger siblings that would come along.  
Her mother was not there, nor was her father. They had abandoned her even though they were present.  
At school, Fiona would sit on the sidelines and listen to her classmates talk.  
"Daddy's taking me to the zoo today."  
"My dad works all week, but at the weekend he makes me choose what to do. I'm a bit indecisive."  
She listened and, closing her eyes, imagined being in their place. She imagined coming home to find a loving father who would hold her, reassure her and protect her from the evil of the world.  
She was seven years old, Fiona. And although she had already seen and experienced the worst of it, she still wanted to have some hope or she would go mad.  
She decided she would try. She would try to have his affection, his approval and his pride, she could do it.

She came home after school to a house left to her own devices. Fiona wrung her little hands, with excitement in her eyes. She had never been used to asking for anything, after all.  
She sat down on the couch, Frank as always not there, so she would wait for him. And while she waited, she had begun to imagine: what could they do together? He knew they were too poor to go to the zoo, but Fiona had a few coins in her piggy bank, maybe that would be enough. And then maybe they'd have ice cream. That would have been fun.  
Time passed, but Frank didn't come. Tired, she fell asleep.  
When she opened her eyes, it was already dusk and someone had returned: Frank was finally back!  
But they had to hurry or the zoo would close.  
Fiona got to her feet, all excited and smiling. As usual, Frank was stoned. Or maybe he had been drinking, but he didn't notice.  
Immediately she walked over to him.  
"Dad, you're back!"  
Frank mumbled something, moving unsteadily on his legs. He looked for the couch and found it soon after, throwing himself down on it.  
"Dad," Fiona whispered as she moved closer. "Are we going to the zoo? I have some money saved up."  
Fiona was hopeful. Still too young to believe that some people were simply lost.  
Frank opened his eyes, looking at her.  
"I've been out all day, Fiona. Besides, I'm too stoned, I'd risk boring you," he said in a drawling tone.  
But the then little girl didn't want to give up hope.  
"Then... Then just ice cream, that's all that's good!" she insisted forcefully. "I want to... spend time with you..."  
And her voice had broken, a sob escaping her. She cared so much, just once, about being normal.  
Frank settled himself better on the couch, closing his eyes.  
"We're spending time together now, aren't we? Ah, look, are there any beers in the fridge? Get me one."  
Fiona stiffened on the first, but then relaxed. If she was obedient, a good little girl, then her father would do everything she wanted, shower her with hugs and pink bows, words of affection and sweetness.  
She turned her back on him, but felt the need to ask him a question that mattered to her:  
"Daddy, do you love me?" she asked in a hopeful tone.  
Frank lifted his head a little.  
"You're my first daughter, of course you do."  
You're the first daughter, of course you are.  
He was going to keep those words in his memory, he was going to write them down, so he wouldn't have to worry that it had all been a dream. Was this the best she could hope for? To words of affection being forced out?  
"Ah, Fiona."  
Her heart leapt for a moment.  
"I'm broke. How much money did you say you have saved up?"

But now Fiona is no longer a child. She no longer places hope in lost causes, no longer looks for an I love you in anyone.  
Fiora stares at a gravestone with her father's name written on it, clenches her fists and hates herself because she shouldn't cry. None of her siblings should, she least of all. Because after all, Frank ruined her life. He has never given her affection, nor attention, he has forced her to grow up, to behave like a mother instead of a daughter.  
She wipes her face and stares hard at the gravestone.  
She had always believed that Frank Gallagher was impossible to kill, but after all, he was human too. A bad human being, a bad father from whom she had perhaps never stopped seeking approval. Maybe there was still that little girl left who was willing to believe in him, but she wouldn't say it out loud.  
You left after making life impossible for all of us.  
She kneels down and sobs. Although so many years have passed, she still remembers that sentence well.  
You are my first daughter, of course you are.  
The first daughter who should have been loved and protected, who is now a partly broken woman. Maybe they could have been better, a real family, but it's too late now.  
There is only one life and she doesn't understand why it has to hurt so much.  
After all, she hated him.  
 _Yes, I hate you, I hate you. ___

___"Fiona, do you love me?"  
"You're my only father, of course you do." ____ _


End file.
